I can't do this any longer. My heart does not want to go on. Not with out hers. If there was an easy way out I would take it. Not by my own hands, I disagree with suicide. I can't "runaway" either. College made damn sure of that. Throw a looming student loan over a person's head and they'll stick around long enough to pay it. Long enough to get into the drone of the machine world...whoops! I meant work force.
I'm stuck here.
I am stuck here.
I am stuck here for at least the next 10 years.
I am stuck here without her.
That's what hurts the most.
That thought. That very thought has put tears in my eyes countless, countless times.
I think that's why I make such poor decisions. The smoking, the drinking, the drugs. Always chasing some high, some answer, some question. It's because I don't have her. She is no longer the shining light I needed so badly in my life. The guiding light which shone on the path. No matter how dark my days were, the moment I heard her voice or saw her face everything was illuminated. I knew who I was, where I wanted to be, what I was to do with my life.
Now, it's all gone hazy. Like the rooms I leave.
I smoke to forget. I smoke to forget her for as long as I possibly can. I smoke so that I can forget that it is long past midnight and that I have turned back into a piece of shit. I am no longer her Prince Charming. Her toad to kiss.
If only there was an easy out. I would take it.
If only there was a way to win her back. I would take her.
This life isn't mine, but I'll take it.
I'm not even sure my mind works the way it used to. Damaged goods. Inane in the Membrane. No, that is not a typo, read it again. Connections are rarely made any longer. I know I can go on. We all can always carry on. But, at what cost? My mentality? My subconscious? My health? What? Where does it stop? When will the strife end? Why?
You see, I have all the questions I need. No shortage of those or holes in my head.
What I need is a good journey. A fantastic adventure. To clear the mind, the body, the spirit. Get in touch. Because staying around here is not good for me. I need to be on my own for awhile. Figure out what it is I need to be doing. Or not doing. I just need some time. I've been saying that for such a long time. Such a terrible, horrendous excuse. A lie that has defined my life. A lie that has changed me. A lie that has taken from me what I held dearest to my heart. I was hoodwinked, a hoax. Someone else must be running this life, because, surely, I would never let that happen. But, I did. And,
I must live with it. So until I figure it all out, I'll live on.
I just...
I just wanna feel home.
I'm stuck here.
I am stuck here.
I am stuck here for at least the next 10 years.
I am stuck here without her.
That's what hurts the most.
That thought. That very thought has put tears in my eyes countless, countless times.
I think that's why I make such poor decisions. The smoking, the drinking, the drugs. Always chasing some high, some answer, some question. It's because I don't have her. She is no longer the shining light I needed so badly in my life. The guiding light which shone on the path. No matter how dark my days were, the moment I heard her voice or saw her face everything was illuminated. I knew who I was, where I wanted to be, what I was to do with my life.
Now, it's all gone hazy. Like the rooms I leave.
I smoke to forget. I smoke to forget her for as long as I possibly can. I smoke so that I can forget that it is long past midnight and that I have turned back into a piece of shit. I am no longer her Prince Charming. Her toad to kiss.
If only there was an easy out. I would take it.
If only there was a way to win her back. I would take her.
This life isn't mine, but I'll take it.
I'm not even sure my mind works the way it used to. Damaged goods. Inane in the Membrane. No, that is not a typo, read it again. Connections are rarely made any longer. I know I can go on. We all can always carry on. But, at what cost? My mentality? My subconscious? My health? What? Where does it stop? When will the strife end? Why?
You see, I have all the questions I need. No shortage of those or holes in my head.
What I need is a good journey. A fantastic adventure. To clear the mind, the body, the spirit. Get in touch. Because staying around here is not good for me. I need to be on my own for awhile. Figure out what it is I need to be doing. Or not doing. I just need some time. I've been saying that for such a long time. Such a terrible, horrendous excuse. A lie that has defined my life. A lie that has changed me. A lie that has taken from me what I held dearest to my heart. I was hoodwinked, a hoax. Someone else must be running this life, because, surely, I would never let that happen. But, I did. And,
I must live with it. So until I figure it all out, I'll live on.
I just...
I just wanna feel home.
