The Wanderer...of my Life

I don't feel like myself today. Someone has snuck into my heart and is creeping about with cleats. The stinging is becoming unbearable. It's my junkie girl, I know it. She is sliding her icy palms across my ventricles and veins. Freezing the feelings I have left. Sheets of some frozen substance veil my sight from anything young and new. Casting me into perpetual darkness from the world I knew and loved. I own no mirrors for her eyes are my eyes. A connection so divine and deep even I could not escape. Although I have tried. My attempts turn fruitless, often prior to the start. She moves within me. Snickering in the hollows of the cranium. Sliding along the spinal column. Stop to stab the main valve. Strangle the guts together with a firm grip. She's a disease and there is no cure. No remedy for her illness. Spreading through my life with ease; only cold death does she deliver. I want rid of her and I don't care how. Because, I am a junkie for her love when her love is gone. A fiend without a friend is not a fiend at all. A vagabond without a road to wander still wanders. Lonely and cold with her monster. The monkey with an icepick. Her sweet reminder. I'm spent on her. Spun. Wounds tear open, laid bare for all the world to see. But no one cares. Spotty and blotched memories shrivel and die with time. Faint glimpses of a forgotten age float up through the murk of my current distraction. A Polaroid seen through a broken kaleidoscope. Misty ships on the horizon. Are mind-pirates possible? Plausible? For if so, then She is their fearless commander. Chief of the Sextons. Goddess of the Abyss. Immortal in her being. Death befalls whomever her love is given. But not for me. I fear immortality. Not of the body, that is absurd. But the immortality of the Soul, the Subconscious, the Spirit. For this is Her form of eternity. Her Heaven, My Hell. An endless hole filled with windows into a beloved past.
When will the bottom fall out?
           When will I stop falling?
                     How will it all end?

The pirate of the sea hath lost her love for me.

What shall I do for eternity?

Do I search the star-filled sea?

Or, just let it be.