The Way IT Is

"Nothing would be what it is,

Because everything would be what it isn't.

And contrary-wise - what it is, it wouldn't be.

And what it wouldn't be, it would.

You see?"

Alice in Wonderland

Wanderer

You are killing me slowly, but you don't care. Reminding me constantly of my yesteryears. Lonely and broken I will travel this road. The Wanderer-About is how I'll be known.

Left this city in search of my home. Trying to find my heart that was stolen long ago. Until that day, didn't know no better. But like the good book say, "Get off the shitter."

I have kissed honey lips

Felt the healing in her fingertips

It burned like fire

This burning desire

And I have run, I have crawled

I have scaled

I have, I have, I have

I have to be with you

To be with you

Only to be with you

To be with you

But I still, still haven't found just what I'm looking for

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

None of this will make sense to you now. But as you grow older and colder and the lights begin to dull the pain from your eyes, the hard-edged pieces will round. They will fit and fall together. One by one, two by two.

Smother Me, {Please}

This is what I get for not taking the exit. It was all lined up, perfectly aligned. A clean break-away in plain sight. And I bailed. Not just bailed, but flat-out tucked tail and listlessly obeyed thy Master.
If only every day were as manic as that fate less day, maybe then I wouldn't be trapped in this box--suffocating and surely brain dead by now. Endless signals lost in the haze of factualized lies and appropriate misnomers. Bogged down in fields of rhetoric day after day, minute by minute, second upon second. From conversation to conversation to conservation to constipation---a mental block-up of sort.

The hierarchy's barrage of verbal flotsam and sewage--that can be accustomed only to the tunnels of the once-great "Big Apple"--will never cease. As they will never desist.

"Mission Control, this is Cepia x715. Restatement of mission: Confuse the masses with senseful propaganda." says the wounded Free-Doom 'fighter.' The Great Nation's last chance at unsurpassed hypocrisy. "All System a go."

We must exert a force, whether physical or mind-altering, which carries with it the potential to shape our future and rewrite the present...for now.

Like a Plague

I dreamt of you again last night. I am starting to believe that you are a prisoner of my subconscious mind. You will remain trapped there till I am old and senile. Too crazed from old age to gaurd that gate, and you may finally slip free. But untill then, my dreams will be a gift to myself. A gift I will cherish and hold so dear to me. These dreams seem so real and unescapable when I am there. We walk, we talk, we kiss, and we laugh as if nothing has changed and all is real. Even when the circumstances begin to change and places and faces get strange, the reality of the situation does not rear its ugly head. We remain happy and I remain a fool with a veil pulled down upon his sheepish eyes.

I wouldn't change any of this.

I consider you a plague, not the black plague, but a Golden Plague. A plague in my brain and I love it that way. If I can't change how we are in the real world, I will keep you here with me in my dreams. I sometimes wonder if dreams are simply a reality within another dimension. That would, at least, help to explain why I can feel your warmth at night when my eyes are shut. That would explain why each kiss begins to feel more real than the last. And why your beauty never falters (this is true for both dreams and reality).

"I can't remember to forget you."

I think that was in Memento. The fact of the matter is that I don't want to forget you and I believe that I never will. They say that you never forget your first love, but you must get over that person. How can you say that you will never forget her but you must get over her? Seems a tad ridiculous. I don't think you should have to get over them. Live with them in your heart. She has helped to shape the person I am today. She will continue to shape who I am through my dreams.

I have dreamt of her saving me from a burning farm house. Is that to say that our dream together, of living off the country in a farmhouse, was put at risk of being lost forever but she saved me from the disaster moments before it crumbled around me? She appeared and everything was fine. Everything was perfect in that moment. We took each other in warm embrace and smothered one another in our love while everything we once dreamt of burnt to the ground it was raised from.

I have dreamt of her spending a "plain" day with me--as plain as a day can be within dream. Nothing could hurt more when you awake to an empty bed. I succumb to the pleasure each time, as if this is new to me and she may never return. Except when I wake, I know she will return to my dreams...when I least expect her.

I have dreamt of her many a times and I will continue to dream of her smile.

But, she will never return to me.

She belongs to him now.

But the memory of her will forever remain with me...in my dreams.

Only in my dreams.

Always & Forever

Never better.

Aw Shucks Fuckers

Shucks Fuckers
I done a lotta blow in my days
Capillaries and veins are strained
Webs woven & words spoken
Time was endless in that haze
But it's a High price for the High life
Sitting in the kitchen cooking up a craze
My Lady - an object of obsession
less seen
and
rarely smelt.
Aw, who am I to kid?
Always smelt it,
always dealt it.
And sometimes
melted.
Rising tendrils
spiraling.
Still rising.
Still spiraling.
Then She is Gone.
Was She ever here?
Do mine eyes deceive?
Fondle the Pusher
for a line
or a string.
Strung up
to dry.
Fondle my memory
for a dream
or a lie.
Will I dream
while I die?
I'll scream
for a dream.

I'll scream,
"Welcome Back...Welcome Back to the Machine!"

Unable To Find What I'm Looking For.

Mmmm

I got the munchies for some coochie treats!

Lost with

No Road Home.

Sleep

Fell asleep early last night...around 8:30 or so. It is times like those that I tend to have the more significant dreams. Dreams that pull on my heartstrings and steal from my memories. Last night was the worst kind of dream. The one in which my one true love made her grand appearance. Except this time it was different...extremely different. I explained myself to her, it seemed that everything I had been wanting and waiting to say I said...and even things I had no clue I was thinking. It was all too perfect. Somehow in the dream I was at my grandma's house (which is never really your grandma's house but slightly resembles it) and she stayed with me throughout the entire dream. We got mixed up in some strange circumstances which could only happen in a dream. But, while it was happening I could have cared less...because we were finally together again. Nothing could separate us. Others surely tried and at one point it could have happened. But we stayed side-by-side. So strange. I even, somehow, convinced her to leave her current fiancé--I was more than ecstatic. Then the dreamscape began to change and more and more I began to slip from these delusions of grandeur. She wisped away from me like so many times before. I awoke to find myself alone in my own bed.

Only in dreams, we see what it means :(

I'll never stop.

Sounds good, feels great
So does an earthquake

Always Had A Problem With Things

WTFF

1. 20% of mammals at risk of extinction
2. Chinese Oil Leak
3. Birds Found Dead
4. UK Oil Spill   
5. Nuclear Rain
6. Is the Sun driving us mad?
7. US Gulf of Mexico: Dead water, fish, and turtles
8. Potential Tropical storms

Any body want to continue the list?


"What The Fucking Fuck?"

Some Day

Some day, you will die.

It will be tragic.

Or, not.

http://vimeo.com/27582815

Some day, the sun will stay.

Bridges of Rust and Lust

Out along old route 7, just shy of a lost Cowboy Town, there rests a broke down bridge. The relentless torrents of the mighty River have lifted the skirt of this decrepit Queen. Her archaic stone piers giving way to the lengthy timber pilings underneath--the Queen's illustrious legs forever exposed.  Once upon a time, caravans of adventuresome gold-diggers trekked across her trusses. Now, belly burned to ash, the trusses are witness to cruelty unknown and pleasures untold. The delight felt as weightless entities flutter towards an impending doom, only to arise from the baptizing waters a momentary breath before death. Her floor beams have lain eyes on tragedy and obscenity alike--so few and far between, but never unseen. Never to be un-seen.The screams of terror and ungodly delight fill her ears as unwanted guests force themselves upon her as savage beasts. Five to one, and one to five, this was when her spirit died. The burden she carries leaves its' mark upon her forgotten beauty. The scrawl of some ones' memories past etched into her sides. She has embodied the pain and blues of every patron lost to her immeasurable height. They, who once lost hope to carry their own burden, now rest it upon the Queen. Although, not all of the calamities are so predetermined. The unexpected misfortune is bound to strike time to time. As fated teens amble their way farther and farther up her girders and beams, one must fall--never to be put back together again. Stray from her. She will hurt you. Leave you cut, bruised, and sore. She will evoke you, torment the mind, and snare you in with her siren's wail. Rusty and lustful you will not escape her call. Higher and higher, she will take you. Above the treetops, to see the Sun of suns. The way up is no longer the way down. Falling, you will see, is the final answer. To a dream once forgotten. Except, there will be no sudden jerk to pry you from the fabled sandman's grip. This is no dream. Her high beams and girders of steel, foundation of stone and timber, are all but pretended or invented in the depths of your mind. You are falling. You will not awake, because you are not asleep. Keep falling, for if you stop, you are dead. However, the torture will end. The Queen must sleep, mustn't she? Her cold steel embrace replaced and replenished with rushing winds. Rushing winds replaced with the icy, gripping fingers of the river below.

You emerge. As if reborn. She has cleansed and purged your very soul. With restored strength and agile wit, understanding washes over you as does the river.

"What say you poor man? Have another go?" she beckons!

"Strip me for all I am worth, I will take you for what you are!" I declare.

"Lo and behold, a wiry lad amped on his own premature angst. Get up, prove your worth to me, boy!"

So, that is what I say to thee, prove your worth to me!

Climb higher and higher, no end in sight. Take in the view from the top, for it could be the final opportunity to do so. Then, fly aloft with the birds, despite your lack of feathery wings; try to overcome that boisterous and cumbersome fiend--Gravity--friend turned foe from ages ago.

Prove your worth, not only to me, but to your own self.

Say it with me now,

"CANNONBALL!"

burn after reading

I can’t seem to find the time to do the things I do, but I am still who you thought you knew, when the time is right for the dramatic fool to rule.



this post will self-destruct in 5...4...3...2

See the Farm

"To be truly free is both very easy and very hard. We avoid the horror of our enslavement, because it is so painful to see it directly. We dance around the endless violence of our dying system because we fear the attacks of our fellow livestock. But we can only be kept in the cages we refuse to see. Wake Up. To see the farm, is to leave it."

The Story of Your Enslavement

The Rich Are Different - and Not in a Good Way

What was that famous saying about money? Something about it being the root of all the whatchyamacallit...OH YEAH...evil.

The Rich Are Different - and Not in a Good Way, Studies Suggest -- Science of the Spirit -- Sott.net

Roast of Charlie Sheen

Seth MacFarlane on Charlie Sheen:

"Charlie is a true icon with a talent that is strong and pure and concentrated into small crystals which can be smoked or eaten.”

In Between

In the between of a dream and a nightmare.

You will find me there.

...Arm chair

No Fucks

I stopped giving a fuck;

you should give no fucks either.

As long as we're both huffing ether,

this hole will keep getting deeper

and

deeper.

The slopes getting steeper

and

steeper

the deeper we get.

I'll continue to wait

for the Reaper.

Farther
and
Farther.

The further we get.

things left unsaid

 “When was the last time you wanted to say it all to the right person? To have it all come out right, to surprise yourself at how together you could be. When was the last time you ever met someone who made you want to give it all to them? I mean give yourself to them. Where you couldn't express yourself enough - like you wanted to cut off one of your arms to be understood. That's it - you would cut your head off to have someone understand you. You know how pointless that one is. You know how many times you've smashed yourself to bits on the rocks.”

&

“They say true love only comes around once and you have to hold out and be strong until then. I have been waiting. I have been searching. I am a man under the moon, walking the streets of earth until dawn. There's got to be someone for me. It's not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone.”

-Henry Rollins

 "Who knows how long I've loved you, you know I love you still. Will I wait a lonely lifetime? If you want me to I will."

-System Unknown

A girl asked a boy if she was pretty. He said no.
She asked him if he wanted to be with her forever.
He said no.
She then asked him if he would cry if she walked away.
He again said no.
She had heard too much.
She needed to leave.
As she walked away, he grabbed her arm and told her to stay, he said,
"You're not pretty, you're beautiful. I don't want to be with you forever, I need to be with you forever. I wouldn't cry if you walked away, I would die." 

-Dick & Jane

The spaces between your fingers were created so that another's could fill them in.

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.

— Bob Marley

because sometimes it’s easier to say, “i hate you,” than “i miss you, i wish we didn’t fight; i wish you would call me sometimes.” because sometimes, it’s easier to think, "screw life, screw school, screw everything;" than admit that you’re overwhelmed and feel like you’re drowning. because sometimes, it’s easier to admit the simple things than say the hard things and realize how much you’ve been struggling, and how much you feel as if life has gone out of your control..........................